somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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