God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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