I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
