your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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