I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I miss vodka workout Fridays
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
