There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
