my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
