Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
