If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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