She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
