as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
