VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
barbara walters just said penis...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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