You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
