Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
