I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
