when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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