Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
