So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
