Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
