it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
