I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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