Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
