So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
