Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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