didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
