so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
