Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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