I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
