walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
