I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
