On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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