You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
