u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
