I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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