Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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