After last night, I could never be a politician.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
