before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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