Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
