in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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