Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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