Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
