her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
