I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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