Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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