Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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