Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
