You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
