I love black thongs
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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