You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
