My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
