Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize