Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
