Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
