I CAN MOONWALK!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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