this just has baby written all over it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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