Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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