1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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