Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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